Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
