he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she smelled like a LAN party
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
