I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
