She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
