Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
