i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
