Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
