A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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