Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
