You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
