I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
