And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
