His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
