you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize