You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
