White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
