how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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