Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
