hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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