the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
