I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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