there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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