Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
