I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
