ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I touched a dick in church today
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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