If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
