I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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