White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
