my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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