Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
