Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
