i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
