Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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