This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
