I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
