If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
