her vagine was all disorganized.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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