I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
