when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
