Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
