Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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