I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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