Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
