I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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