I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
