i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
