what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
