11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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