im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
