oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
