So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
