If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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