just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
