Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
