dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
