return my video game
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
