I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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