dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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