SEEEEXXX PLEASE
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
