bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
