My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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