I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
