Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize