just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
