My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize