Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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