it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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