Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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