totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
