BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
