i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
