Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
