found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
