I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
