24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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