so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
