come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish you could order shots online.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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