My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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