i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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