the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
