I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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