We got so high we made milksteak
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize